tonjavmoore: (Almost a kiss)
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Title: The Thin Man
Author: [personal profile] tonjavmoore
Prompt: The Thin Man – Released in 1934, starring William Powell and Myrna Loy as Nick and Nora Charles, Dashiell Hammett’s wise-cracking, crime-solving couple
Word Count: 31,921
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairings: Jack/Ianto and just about anyone from the Whoniverse at large
Spoilers: Way off the map, so nothing I can think of
Disclaimer: The only thing I own is the computer I typed this on and the way these words are spun together. This is a work of fan fiction and no one, least of all me, wants to be stepping on copyrights.

Summary: Captain Jack Harkness, former Torchwood agent, brings his husband to his old stomping grounds of New York City to meet his friends. He didn’t anticipate walking into multiple crimes, missing people, and a general mess. What’s happened in Torchwood?

Special Thanks: To my wonderful betas [personal profile] cjharknessgirl and [personal profile] faithharkness for sticking with me and helping me push this out of my fingertips. Without their encouragement, this would have stayed in limbo for all time.

Special Note: One of my betas has strongly advised a “no drinking” warning during the reading of the prologue. You have been warned.


Prologue


 


From: Captain Jack Harkness, Senior Torchwood Operative


 


To: Dr. John Smith, Director of Torchwood, New York City Branch


 


Re: Bye bye


 


Doc, this is my two week notice. Do you need me to report for Retcon now, or in two weeks?





 


From: Dr. John Smith, Director of Torchwood, New York City Branch


 


To: Captain Jack Harkness, Senior Torchwood Operative


 


Re: Sanity

 


Are you out of your mind? Are you under some sort of alien influence? Has the medic checked you out?





 


From: Captain Jack Harkness, Senior Torchwood Operative


 


To: Dr. John Doubtful Smith, Director of Torchwood, New York City Branch


 


Re: General Health


 


My medical report states that I am perfect, but we all knew that. I have not touched a single alien artifact in the past month. As for the other, if you consider wanting to get married and have a happy life away from alien-chasing a mental disorder, well, then, I am out of my mind. When do I report for Retcon?





 


From: Dr. John Smith, Director of Torchwood, New York City Branch


 


To: Captain Not-Leaving-Us Jack Harkness, Senior Torchwood Operative


 


Re: Marital Status


 


You can’t quit. We need you. If you want to get married, do it here. We can hire your wife, if she wants to work.





 


From: Captain Am-Too-Leaving-You Jack Harkness, Senior Torchwood Operative


 


To: Dr. John Smith, Director of Torchwood, New York City Branch


 


Re: No way


 


He won’t be a wife, he’ll be a husband. Remember the shipping line we just rooted the Phimenta drug smugglers out of? I met him there. He’s intelligent, quick-witted, and absolutely gorgeous. Welsh. Wonderful vowels. Perfect. The only fault I know of is that he’s willing to commit himself to me, which may indicate some mental instability, but I’m going to overlook that. The ceremony is in three weeks and I have to get to Cardiff beforehand.


 


Do I need to call Rose for that Retcon appointment?





 


From: Dr. Still-Skeptical John Smith, Director of Torchwood, New York City Branch


 


To: Captain Jack Harkness, Senior Torchwood Operative


 


Re: Confirmation


 


You really mean this?





 


From: Captain More-Positive-Than-A-Proton Jack Harkness, Senior Torchwood Operative


 


To: Dr. The-Unbeliever John Smith, Director of Torchwood, New York City Branch


 


Re: Absolutely


 


I mean it.





 


From: Dr. John Smith, Director of Torchwood, New York City Branch


 


To: Captain Jack Harkness, Senior Torchwood Operative


 


Re: I give


 


All right, all right, all right.


 


No need for Retcon. I’ll settle for a verbal NDA. I’ll get Rose to referee.


 


Good luck to you, Jack.





Part 1 


 


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