![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tonjavmooreTitle: The Melancholy Danish
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
tonjavmoore
Prompt: Torchwood Lucky 7: The Sin of Gluttony
Characters/Pairings: Jack/Ianto and the rest of the Torchwood Team
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Pick your favorite spot. Then don't worry about it.
Word Count: 1082
Disclaimer: Torchwood belongs to the BBC and RTD. Sadly.
The Melancholy Danish
Captain Jack Harkness prowled around the conference room, poking into all the cabinets and drawers. It had to be here somewhere. Ianto had picked it up when they were walking to the Hub.
His stomach growled, a sound guaranteed to strike terror into the hearts of those who heard it. All those except Ianto Jones, who sat in his chair completely unperturbed. “They’re for the staff meeting, sir,” he said, with the sigh of the long suffering. “Breakfast served as we go over the morning reports. May I remind you that it was your idea?”
“No, you may not remind me,” Jack retorted. “You can bring the Danish up here instead. I’m starving.”
“There are digestive biscuits in your office.”
“I don’t want digestive biscuits,” Jack snarled. “I’m your captain and I want Danish!”
“You eat all the best ones. Whenever the others get here, there are never any left.” Ianto checked his watch. “You can wait five more minutes.” He rose and went to the door. “I’ll make coffee.”
Jack huffed as he sat down in his chair. Ianto was treating him as though he were a child who couldn’t control himself. He wasn’t a glutton. Really, he was just hungry. Really hungry. For Danish.
As far as Jack was concerned, the human race justified its existence in the universe by producing the Danish. The flaky crust, the sugary glaze, and the many different fillings made it the perfect food, even outdoing Chinese and pizza. Jack’s stomach virtually roared with impatience. Danish! Danish! Danish!
A few minutes later, the others arrived. Ianto brought in the coffee tray and produced the box with the breakfast pastries from somewhere Jack couldn’t see. Damn him. Ianto passed the box around to the others before giving it to Jack. Bastard. When Jack got the box all the best Danish were gone. It was a conspiracy.
He cleared his throat. “Change of policy starting tomorrow,” he announced. “The breakfast box will be brought into the conference room when Ianto arrives – not when everyone else arrives. If you want a selection, get here earlier.”
“That’s not fair!” Gwen protested. “You get here when Ianto does.”
“I’m the boss, which means I don’t have to be fair. Is that clear, Ianto?”
“Yes, sir.” Ianto’s face retained the polite work mask he invariably wore in the Hub. “Tomorrow I shall put the box in the conference room as soon as we arrive.”
He was as good as his word. Unfortunately the others got there at the same time. Jack managed to snag more than his share of the cream cheese and cherry Danish as his reflexes were faster. He still cursed the others for their gluttonous behavior. He didn’t get any apple or raspberry or apricot.
Jack gave it a week before the team went back to their old sleeping habits. He was right. When reminded, Ianto said he would put the box on the table when he got in.
The next morning, the box was on the conference table when Jack breezed through the door. He stopped short. The box was metal, closed with a giant padlock. He tried his wrist strap on it. It was inert and non-magnetic. Grumbling, Jack went to his office to get his skeleton keys, only to find that they had “mysteriously” moved. By the time he found them, the team was all there and then it started. It was a very civilized food fight, because Ianto’s threat of decaffeinated coffee for every day there was a crumb on the floor or table made them very cautious, but it remained a competition nonetheless
It was all out war between Jack and Ianto after that. Every morning, there would be a new challenge. Sometimes Jack won and all the Danish disappeared. Once Ianto bought twice as many and still Jack scarfed them down, even though the quantity made him a bit bloated. Other times Ianto would win and Jack had to wait for everyone else. Although really he considered that using a Time Lock on the conference room door was taking it a bit too far, he had to concede that Ianto was very clever.
Jack’s losing streak had lasted two and one-half weeks this time, and he was determined to win this morning. He opened the conference room door. “Hey!” he yelled down to the kitchenette. “Where’s the box?”
“On the table, Captain.”
“No, it isn’t.”
“I assure you that it is, sir.”
Ianto sounded smug, so Jack took him at his word. The box was cloaked then. Jack approached the table carefully, looking for the shimmer that would give away an anomaly of light. He couldn’t find one. He pushed his hands over the table as far as they would go and slowly circled it. Ianto must have figured out that by the time Jack found it, his rivals would have arrived. Rather than face that, Jack climbed up and laid himself flat, scissoring his arms and legs. He felt his left elbow brush something and yanked the box from its surrounding tech. Without bothering to get off the tabletop, he pulled it open and began devouring the Danish.
Each Danish tasted so good, so different. Sweet and smooth, creamy and tart, rich beyond anything – he couldn’t take time to savor them as he would have liked, for the team was due any minute. His cravings today extended beyond the usual and he continued to eat all the pastries until the box was empty.
“Jack!”
He looked up to find Ianto in the doorway, looking equally surprised and annoyed. “I can’t believe this! Don’t you have any self-control? You really are a glutton.”
Jack put the empty box down beside him. When he sat up, he showered crumbs and sugar on the tabletop, leaving only a Jack-sized clear area. He slid off the table. “I’m sorry, Ianto,” he said. “I’ll clean it up. And I’ll go get more.”
“Yes, you will. You’d best hurry. The morning conference is in five minutes.”
Jack approached him. Ianto was watching him with narrowed eyes, but didn’t back away. Jack risked a quick kiss, and pushed past him. As he went down the stairs to the main floor, Jack said, “I’m sorry I was such a glutton. I was just very, very hungry.” At the cog door he paused and looked up at Ianto. “After all, I’m eating for two.”
There was silence and then a strained whisper. “What?”
Jack grinned as the door rolled shut.
A/N: Sorry if I squicked you, A warning in the header would have spoiled the joke.
Author:
tonjavmoore Prompt: Torchwood Lucky 7: The Sin of Gluttony
Characters/Pairings: Jack/Ianto and the rest of the Torchwood Team
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Pick your favorite spot. Then don't worry about it.
Word Count: 1082
Disclaimer: Torchwood belongs to the BBC and RTD. Sadly.
The Melancholy Danish
Captain Jack Harkness prowled around the conference room, poking into all the cabinets and drawers. It had to be here somewhere. Ianto had picked it up when they were walking to the Hub.
His stomach growled, a sound guaranteed to strike terror into the hearts of those who heard it. All those except Ianto Jones, who sat in his chair completely unperturbed. “They’re for the staff meeting, sir,” he said, with the sigh of the long suffering. “Breakfast served as we go over the morning reports. May I remind you that it was your idea?”
“No, you may not remind me,” Jack retorted. “You can bring the Danish up here instead. I’m starving.”
“There are digestive biscuits in your office.”
“I don’t want digestive biscuits,” Jack snarled. “I’m your captain and I want Danish!”
“You eat all the best ones. Whenever the others get here, there are never any left.” Ianto checked his watch. “You can wait five more minutes.” He rose and went to the door. “I’ll make coffee.”
Jack huffed as he sat down in his chair. Ianto was treating him as though he were a child who couldn’t control himself. He wasn’t a glutton. Really, he was just hungry. Really hungry. For Danish.
As far as Jack was concerned, the human race justified its existence in the universe by producing the Danish. The flaky crust, the sugary glaze, and the many different fillings made it the perfect food, even outdoing Chinese and pizza. Jack’s stomach virtually roared with impatience. Danish! Danish! Danish!
A few minutes later, the others arrived. Ianto brought in the coffee tray and produced the box with the breakfast pastries from somewhere Jack couldn’t see. Damn him. Ianto passed the box around to the others before giving it to Jack. Bastard. When Jack got the box all the best Danish were gone. It was a conspiracy.
He cleared his throat. “Change of policy starting tomorrow,” he announced. “The breakfast box will be brought into the conference room when Ianto arrives – not when everyone else arrives. If you want a selection, get here earlier.”
“That’s not fair!” Gwen protested. “You get here when Ianto does.”
“I’m the boss, which means I don’t have to be fair. Is that clear, Ianto?”
“Yes, sir.” Ianto’s face retained the polite work mask he invariably wore in the Hub. “Tomorrow I shall put the box in the conference room as soon as we arrive.”
He was as good as his word. Unfortunately the others got there at the same time. Jack managed to snag more than his share of the cream cheese and cherry Danish as his reflexes were faster. He still cursed the others for their gluttonous behavior. He didn’t get any apple or raspberry or apricot.
Jack gave it a week before the team went back to their old sleeping habits. He was right. When reminded, Ianto said he would put the box on the table when he got in.
The next morning, the box was on the conference table when Jack breezed through the door. He stopped short. The box was metal, closed with a giant padlock. He tried his wrist strap on it. It was inert and non-magnetic. Grumbling, Jack went to his office to get his skeleton keys, only to find that they had “mysteriously” moved. By the time he found them, the team was all there and then it started. It was a very civilized food fight, because Ianto’s threat of decaffeinated coffee for every day there was a crumb on the floor or table made them very cautious, but it remained a competition nonetheless
It was all out war between Jack and Ianto after that. Every morning, there would be a new challenge. Sometimes Jack won and all the Danish disappeared. Once Ianto bought twice as many and still Jack scarfed them down, even though the quantity made him a bit bloated. Other times Ianto would win and Jack had to wait for everyone else. Although really he considered that using a Time Lock on the conference room door was taking it a bit too far, he had to concede that Ianto was very clever.
Jack’s losing streak had lasted two and one-half weeks this time, and he was determined to win this morning. He opened the conference room door. “Hey!” he yelled down to the kitchenette. “Where’s the box?”
“On the table, Captain.”
“No, it isn’t.”
“I assure you that it is, sir.”
Ianto sounded smug, so Jack took him at his word. The box was cloaked then. Jack approached the table carefully, looking for the shimmer that would give away an anomaly of light. He couldn’t find one. He pushed his hands over the table as far as they would go and slowly circled it. Ianto must have figured out that by the time Jack found it, his rivals would have arrived. Rather than face that, Jack climbed up and laid himself flat, scissoring his arms and legs. He felt his left elbow brush something and yanked the box from its surrounding tech. Without bothering to get off the tabletop, he pulled it open and began devouring the Danish.
Each Danish tasted so good, so different. Sweet and smooth, creamy and tart, rich beyond anything – he couldn’t take time to savor them as he would have liked, for the team was due any minute. His cravings today extended beyond the usual and he continued to eat all the pastries until the box was empty.
“Jack!”
He looked up to find Ianto in the doorway, looking equally surprised and annoyed. “I can’t believe this! Don’t you have any self-control? You really are a glutton.”
Jack put the empty box down beside him. When he sat up, he showered crumbs and sugar on the tabletop, leaving only a Jack-sized clear area. He slid off the table. “I’m sorry, Ianto,” he said. “I’ll clean it up. And I’ll go get more.”
“Yes, you will. You’d best hurry. The morning conference is in five minutes.”
Jack approached him. Ianto was watching him with narrowed eyes, but didn’t back away. Jack risked a quick kiss, and pushed past him. As he went down the stairs to the main floor, Jack said, “I’m sorry I was such a glutton. I was just very, very hungry.” At the cog door he paused and looked up at Ianto. “After all, I’m eating for two.”
There was silence and then a strained whisper. “What?”
Jack grinned as the door rolled shut.
A/N: Sorry if I squicked you, A warning in the header would have spoiled the joke.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-06 10:42 pm (UTC)I guess even super clever Ianto can't keep Jack from his Danish. And now, it would seem, he's got bigger worries.
Nice. Made me smile.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-07 12:03 am (UTC)Glad it made you smile. (Not even a deadly sin is bad all the time.)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-07 01:39 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-07 02:31 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-07 01:51 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-07 02:33 am (UTC)Thanks for reading!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-07 01:55 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-07 02:36 am (UTC)Thanks for reading and commenting. So glad you got a good laugh.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-07 10:18 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-08 02:16 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-07 12:04 pm (UTC)Really loved this, the ending made me giggle, also I wouldn't mind a sequel if you're up to it :)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-08 02:19 am (UTC)A sequel? Hmm, let me think...
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-07 03:56 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-08 02:19 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-07 06:38 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-08 02:22 am (UTC)I like my Jack playful. Yes, with all that implies.
A sequel? Like where Ianto follows him to the bakery and...
Wait, that would be telling.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-08 02:48 am (UTC)to channel Human!Ten: OH YES :D
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-08 02:41 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-08 03:47 pm (UTC)Glad you got a giggle out of it.
Thanks for reading.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-08 07:03 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-08 08:19 am (UTC)I was a little confused about one thing. I thought that this was going to be a Tosh fic based on your header.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-08 03:46 pm (UTC)Sorry about that. Fixed now. That's what cut-n-paste does to you. Apologies for misleading you.
To put an mpreg warning would have ruined the joke, so again apologies to anyone squicked out.
I'm glad you found it funny , at least.
Thank you for reading.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-08 01:01 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-08 03:51 pm (UTC)Glad you enjoyed!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-08-11 09:10 am (UTC)